Happy 4/20!

Happy 4/20 Y'all!

Freakin Sweet Family Guy/Matrix Mash-up!

Not only is Family Guy probably the single greatest Geek commentary ever created...but its fans are GeekTASTIC! This type of brilliant twisted loyalty is why Seth MacFarlane was just given $100 Million dollars to keep bringing us the pop culture references from the 80's and smart, challenging and downright funny entertainment. Freakin Sweeeeeeeet!

I love this! The Empire Strikes Barrack!

I am not a Democrat. Nor am I a Barrack Obama supporter. I am a Hillary Hater! I despise the Clintons and I have documented the reasons why in many places here on the blog. So THIS video is FANTASTIC...even if you like Billary you can appreciate the humor. Oh and the video wasn't created by Republicans. It was produced by liberal Democrats. EVEN BETTER!

Last nights FoxXxcast was REALLY shitty...ROTFL

First you get my segment Proverbial wisdom from firstgraders and then thing went right into the toilet..LITERALLY with Jen's Top10 (just a little before the halfway point if you want to get right to it!)


jREYS sHITTY TOP TEN - Broadcast your self LIVE

Happy St. Patricks Day

Scrot-ex...Attention men do your nuts smell?

Do You Suffer From Sub-Testiclular Odor?

UnEdited Synonyms/Euphemisms for ...Fart.

1. 1-man salute
2. 7.4 on the Rectum scale
3. Acid-rain maker
4. After the thunder comes the rain
5. Air bagel
6. Airbrush your boxers
7. Anal acoustics
8. Anal ahem
9. Anal audio
10. Anal salute
11. Anal volcano
12. Arse blast
13. Ass blaster
14. Ass-scented methane
15. Ass biscuit
16. Ass thunder
17. Ass whistle
18. A turd whistling for the right of way
19. Backdoor breeze
20. Backfire
21. Bad sprinkling
22. Baking brownies
23. Barking spiders
24. Bean blower
25. Beep your horn
26. Belch from behind
27. Better open a window
28. Blast off
29. Blast the chair
30. Blasting the ass trumpet
31. Blat
32. Blow ass
33. Blow mud
34. Blow the big brown horn
35. Blowing the butt bugle
36. Blowing you a kiss
37. Bomber
38. Bottom blast
39. Bottom burp
40. Break the sound barrier without a plane
41. Break wind
42. Breath of fresh air
43. Brown horn brass choir
44. Brown thunder
45. Bun shaker
46. Burnin' rubber
47. Buster
48. Busting ass
49. Butt bleat
50. Butt burp
51. Butt hair harmony
52. Butt percussion
53. Butt trauma
54. Butt trumpet
55. Butt tuba
56. Buttock bassoon
57. Cheek flapper
58. Cheesin'
59. Colonic calliope
60. Crack a rat
61. Crack one off
62. Crack splitters
63. Crimp off some breakfast biscuits
64. Crop dusting (surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust)
65. Crowd splitter
66. Cut a stinker
67. Cut loose
68. Cut the cheese
69. Cut the wind
70. Death Breath
71. Deflate
72. Doing the one-cheek sneak
73. Doorknob
74. Drop a barking spider
75. Drop a bomb
76. Drop ass
77. Dropped a bomb
78. Eggy
79. Empty my tank
80. Exercising the meat nozzle (not sure if this one doesn't belong in a different category)
81. Exploding bottom
82. Explosion between the legs
83. Exterminate
84. Fart
85. Fire a stink torpedo
86. Fire the retro-rocket
87. Firing scud missiles
88. Fizzler
89. Flame thrower
90. Flamer
91. Flapper
92. Flatulate
93. Flatulence
94. Flatus
95. Flipper
96. Float an air biscuit
97. Floof
98. Fluffy
99. Fog slicer
100. Fowl howl
101. Fragrant fuzzy
102. Free-floating anal vapors
103. Free Jacuzi
104. Freep
105. Frequency Actuated Rectal Tremor
106. Fumigate
107. Funky rollers
108. Gas attack
109. Gas blaster
110. Gas from the ass
111. Gas master
112. Gaseous intestinal by-products
113. Ghost turd
114. Give a dirty look at the person next to you
115. Grandpa
116. Gravy pants
117. Great brown cloud
118. Hailing Emperor Crush
119. Hey, did you fart? Because you blew me away! (pick-up line)
120. Heinus anus
121. Hole flappage
122. Hole flapper
123. Honk
124. HUMrrhoids
125. Hydrogen bomb
126. I made a pootie
127. If you are that embarrassed about it, you can always blame it on me.
128. Ignition
129. Insane in the methane
130. Invert a burp
131. It's low tide
132. Jet propulsion
133. Jockey burner
134. Jumping guts
135. Just calling your name
136. Just keeping warm
137. Just the noise
138. Kaboom
139. K-Fart
140. Kill the canary
141. Lay a wind loaf
142. Lay an air biscuit
143. Leave a gas trap
144. Let a beefer
145. Let each little bean be heard
146. Let one fly
147. Let one go
148. Let the beans out
149. Lethal cloud
150. Letting one rip
151. Lingerer
152. Made a gas blast
153. Make a stink
154. Make a trumpet of one's ass (John Milton)
155. Mating call of the barking spider
156. Methane Bomb
157. Methane production experiment
158. Moon gas
159. Mud duck
160. Must be a sewer around
161. Nose death
162. Odor bubble
163. Odorama
164. One man jazz band
165. One-gun salute
166. Painting the elevator
167. Pant stainer
168. Panty burp
169. Parp
170. Party in your pants
171. Pass gas
172. Pass wind
173. Play the tuba
174. Playing the trouser tuba
175. Plotcher (aka a wet one ... bad form, points taken off for emmitting one of these)
176. Poof
177. Poop gas
178. Poot
179. Pop
180. Pop a fluffy
181. Preventing Spontaneous Human Combustion (South Park)
182. Prove it
183. Prupe (Norwegian--the E has two dots over it)
184. Puff, the Magic Dragon
185. Quack
186. Rebuild the ozone layer one poof at a time
187. Rectal honk
188. Rectal shout
189. Rectal tremor
190. Release a squeeker
191. Release an ass buscuit
192. Release gas
193. Rep
194. Rimshot
195. Rip ass
196. Rip one
197. Ripple fart
198. Roast the Jockeys
199. Rotting vegetation
200. Safety
201. Salute your shorts
202. SAS (silent and scentless)
203. SBD (silent but deadly)
204. Set off an SBD
205. Shit fumes
206. Shit honker
207. Shit vapor
208. Shoot the cannon
209. Shoppin' at Wal-Fart
210. Silent but deadly (SBD)
211. Singe the carpet
212. Singing the Anal Anthem
213. Skunk smells his own smell first!
214. Sounding the sphincter scale
215. Sounds like a barking spider
216. Sounds like a wompus cat
217. Sphincter song
218. Spit a brick
219. Squeak one out
220. Squeeker
221. Steamer
222. Step on a duck
223. Step on a frog
224. Stink bomb
225. Stink Burger
226. Strangling the stank monkey
227. Stress release
228. Tail wind
229. Telegraph from Ft. A-hole to Cmdr. Nostril announcing the arrival of Gen. Shat
230. That felt good
231. The closest you get to craping while standing up
232. The colonic calliope
233. The dog did it
234. The F bomb
235. The gluteal tuba
236. The Sound and the Fury
237. The stink's gone into the fabric
238. The third state of matter
239. The toothless one speaks
240. Thunder pants
241. Thunderspray
242. Toilet tune
243. Toot
244. Toot your own horn
245. Trelblow
246. Triple flutter blast
247. Trouser cough
248. Trouser trumpet
249. Turd honking
250. Turd hooties
251. Turn on the A/C in your large intestine
252. Uncorked symphony
253. Under burp
254. Venting one
255. Wet one
256. What smell?
257. What the dog did
258. Whoever smelt it dealt it
259. Wrong way burping
260. Your voice has changed, but your breath is still the same.
261. Zinger

Flight of the Conchords - Lord of the Rings

Survivor Texas

NEW SHOW ALERT!!!!!
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Texas is planning to do its own, entitled Survivor - Texas Style. The contestants will start in Dallas, travel to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there, they'll proceed to Abilene, Ft. Worth and finally back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read, "I'm gay", "I'm a vegetarian", "I voted for Al Gore", "George Strait Sucks", "Hillary in 2008", and "I'm here to confiscate your guns!" The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.

Carma Sutra....human origami goes on the road

I'd be willing to bet that most of us have been there. You're on a date. You're REALLY digging each other. You can't wait and you know that it's...Business time! Depending on the size and type of vehicle you've got this urgent need to get down can pose interesting challenges of position and performance at a time when the baby batter has your brain on shut down. Well you'll never have to fear again my friends because YOU can be prepared. You can possess the technical skills necessary to get the job done in style. Introducing Carma Sutra!

Unbuckle your seatbelt for this, the first-ever manual of sex positions for in-car entertainment! Fully illustrated and packed with helpful, practical, model-specific advice, this glove-compartment-sized guide contains everything readers need to rev up their sex drive!

All I can say is OH YEAH! The book can be picked up pretty cheap over at Amazon.com

Did you watch Superfriends?

Did you watch the Superfriends cartoon show as a kid? It was of course one of the worst animated cartoons EVER! And the Wonder Twins? WTF? Well...here's a great Mash-up of Friends and Superfriends that I think juts RAWKS! Enjoy

I'm sorry and it's official too...

Have you ever felt the need to apologize to someone for a faux pas, rude comment, unintended(coyote ugly)sexual involvement, but were unsure how to go about making an apology? Well then visit this site which has an awesome fill-in the blank form that guides you through the apology process. It's a very thorough and thoroughly serious (your Form A001 can be officially stamped officially by an official) way to say I'm sorry. Once you've filled in the form just click the link at the top to send it off to the offensive offended party and VOILA conscience assuaged! Click the pic to visit the site!

Drinks REAL men shouldn't order..

I don't know if I agree with all of these but they are pretty funny. Courtesy of Modern Drunkard Magazine by way of Fark....(click on the pic for a full sized version)

I gotta Pee! Give me your phone!

I want to introduce you to a new website. it's called MizPee. This website exists to help you to locate, and asses the nearest bathroom facilities to your present location. You can access the site from any web enabled cell-phone at www.mizpee.com or visit the link and enter your cell carrier and phone number and they will text the link to you for storage on your phone.
Brilliant! There are lots of "other" things you can do at the site but I'll leave you to explore them on your own. Right now it's Sharing time....
My family has a secret.
It's not a very well kept secret. Spend any amount of time with my extended "crew" and it will become abundantly clear. They LOVE public restrooms. Love em! At least thats my assumption. We cannot "arrive" at any destination without at least one member of my family saying ....."I have to pee."
It doesn't matter if we left the last location 15 minutes before hand and they "made a tinkle" whilst there.
Feet hit the ground...."I gotta pee."
Inevitably this leads to someone else falling prey to the power of suggestion and answering with the inescapable..."Me too." It used to be just the women 'til my Brother-in-law succumbed to "the Dark Side" and now his bladder has shrunk to the size of an acorn.

So why does this bother me you may ask? (well aren't YOU the nosy one!?)

What's the big deal?
Time.
It is a drain on time.
Where's the bathroom?
Do they have a bathroom?
I hope they have a bathroom?
They must have a bathroom.
Is it over there?
It's usually in the back.
Why in the back? It should be upfront!
I know why do they do that?
I don't know.
Should we ask someone?
Yes let's ask someone?
Excuse me do you work here?
No? Do you know where the bathroom is?
Do you speak English?
¿Dónde está el baño?
Ou est la WC?
Oh My GAWD I HAVE TO PEE! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS DECENT WHERE IS THE BATHROOM!

Once the directions have been discovered there is the trip into...

"The Void."
Since it's primarily the women who maintain this tradition there is of course the unavoidable "line" to get into the bathroom. I recently learned that the "visible" line is merely a queue for the "staging" area. The staging area is where women apparently must "prepare" to pee. This area then filters not into three separate lines (assuming there are 3 potential locations to relieve oneself), as is the custom in a men's room, but into a single, first arrived/first relieved line for one of three occupied stalls. This means that the whole process can be "log jammed" by one idiot! The trip is further exacerbated by the mechanics of female urination rituals.
The evaluation of the toilet seat condition.
Locating proper "barrier materials" to apply to the toilet seat.
The construction of the barrier.
The approach...selection of hand position, determination of necessary "hovering height", etc.
The balancing act off of aforementioned impenetrable barrier "just in case."
and
the all important dismount. (Oh! The French Judge is particularly difficult and has given a 3.4... that's gonna hurt!)
Then of course the washing of the hands.
The primping of the hair.
The discussion of the deplorable conditions, terrible line, latest yada yada, etc.
and of course time to harangue the French judge Jon McEnroe style. (What do you mean I didn't stick the landing?! I ALWAYS stick the landing!)
Then begins the return trip. or as I prefer to call it....

The Long and Winding Road
The reason that the bathroom is placed in the farthest reaches of most stores is simple. Store designers know all of the above. They KNOW it is the women who are going to need to use these facilities most often. They know women in a store are easily distracted by shiny, pretty things, placed at eye level, on every single end cap of every aisle on the way back to the front of the store. THEY KNOW!
By the time this party of adventurers has returned, mission accomplished I usually turn to see that my 6 year old son has been afflicted with some sort of spastic palsy, which forces him to shift his weight back and forth on his feet, whilst tugging at the crotch of his pants. His cherubic little face has begun to bloom bright red and a panic in his eyes confirms......he has entered, full on, into the ancestral "pee dance."
And turning heel, sporting the beaten, frustrated, grimace of fathers the world over I can be seen heading off down the aisle, toward the far back of the store, in a near sprint, mumbling through my gritted teeth...

"WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO WHEN THEY WERE GOING?!!!!!!!!"

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Paris & Britney Back on Top!

Our favorite train wrecks Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have made it back to the top of the list. Yes it's true. I personally thought that perhaps they were done. perhaps they had fallen too far to ever make it back. But back they are at the TOP of THE LIST.

Unfortunately its a list no one wants to be on top of.

According to Reuters...

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A poll of American children released on Wednesday found that the two high-profile celebrities should top Santa's naughty list.

By contrast Disney star Hannah Montana, played by country singer Billy Ray Cyrus's daughter Miley, was overwhelming deemed the "nicest" celebrity among children aged 2 to 12 while actress Angelina Jolie was the choice for teenagers 13 to 17.

The online survey of 1,107 children was conducted by E-Poll Market Research, which specializes in celebrity and brand research, to gauge children's attitudes about nice, naughty, and the seasonal question of who makes Santa's list.

Spears, whose stint in rehabilitation, panty-less pictures, and custody battle for her children has won headlines globally, was awarded top "naughty" honors with younger and older children.

She was followed on the list by Paris Hilton who spent three weeks in jail this year on a driving violation.

The two women beat out Swiper the Fox from the television show Dora the Explorer, the Grinch from the book "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" and Darth Vader from Star Wars among children 2-12.

How frickin nasty must you be in the eyes of little kids to be HIGHER up on Santa's naughty list than the above mentioned baddies, Swiper, the Grinch, and Darth? Remember all that talk about how Brit Brit and Paris were going to corrupt the kids of America? These two skanks aren't fooling the kids of this country. I mean the real kids. Not those quasi-hoochie and wanna-be-pimp-losers called teenagers. The kids have their number and they know whats up. Just a couple of Ho Ho Hoes topping the naughty list.

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Found Online...

Request for a raise....

I, P.Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response......

Dear P. Niss:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely, V. Gina

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The RULES ....

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports.. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

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Too Funny.......

Leave it to JibJab to create the coolest of cool time wasters on the net! Check out Jib Jab Starring YOU! and create your own personalized hilarity! There are several movies to choose from...you just upload and edit some pictures (very easy to use interface) and Presto! Instant Funny! There are options to post to MySpace, Blogger, Xanga, Google, MSN and more. Each movie can be saved and emailed as well and you can re-cast them again and again! Check out the Foxxxcast promo below and tune in right here Wednesday at 9pm for the RaunchFoxxx Foxxxcast starring this cast of dancing fools!

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I wanna be a Pop Star

I love a good parody....this is a good one...I just wish the audio didn't suck so bad.

http://view.break.com/372438 - Watch more free videos

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You Can't Fool Mom

Michael invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Michael's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Michael and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Michael and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Michael volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Joanne came to Michael and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle," said Joanne. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?".

"Well," said Michael, "I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Joanne, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Joanne. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

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